Recent pictures:

A view from my balcony. You can see the top of the Sears Tower on the left. 311 South Wacker is on the right. Legend has it that the crown of one large cylinder surrounded by four small ones represents the engagement ring given by the architect to his wife. Both buildings were lit for the Fourth of July.


The fourth floor at 4240 W. Irving Park, home of BYG.



Christina showing Young Jin how to play Freebird. It was strange to see them interacting so easily. Christina is a complicated girl - intellectual, awkward, artsy, funny, mature, heart-breaking. She comes to church sporadically, and even then, prefers the company of the teachers to that of the other kids. Young Jin is one of those kids that might have slipped through the BYG cracks a few years ago, but today there are enough kids willing to stand in the gap between twinkie and fob for him to feel at home.


Dai Hee is one of those kids. Bethel as a whole tends to be reticent, and BYG is no exception, but every few years, someone like Dai Hee comes along and his openness makes everyone else smile a little wider, as Christine can atest.


Arturo, Edmund, and Sharon are the new teachers BYG picked up since I left. I'd say that's an upgrade. The kids enjoy Arturo's churros, Edmund's stowees, and Sharon's Mufasa hair.



Anna doesn't like having her picture taken. So, of course, here she is.


John Choi said that he will stay on for another month or so, just to try to help with the transition. I said, sure, what's another month or ten?


And here is one picture that says all you need to know about BYG. Myung, Christine, and I went to the Taste of Chicago, but it was so crowded that Christine had to hold onto Myung's shirt so as to not get lost along the way. All she could see was the back of his shirt and he led her safely home.

There was a lot of traffic as I was driving up I-90/94 yesterday night. I was headed to my oldest cousin's wedding reception, and as I approached the diverging point, I glanced at the clock, which read 7:30. I looked over at the Irving Park exit and wondered whether I should swerve through three lanes and show up at BYG instead. The kids would be oblivious to what I'd done, except for the questions of why I was wearing a suit and tie. "You dressed up for the dating seminar!" they might say.

A few years ago, I was visiting a girl at her downtown apartment and we decided to go for a walk by the lakefront. It was a warm summer night with just enough of a breeze. And as we were strolling down by the water, fireworks began exploding at the pier behind us. It was certainly a moment.

Then my phone rang.

I don't do it often, but occasionally I ignore calls, especially if priorities demand it. If there ever was a time to ignore a call, this would have been it. But I looked at the screen and it told me who was calling and without any hesitation, I put my life on pause.

"Hey. Nothing much. You need a ride tomorrow? Sure, I'll be there around nine o'clock."

And so my actions defined my priorities.

Yesterday, I kept driving. I was late to the reception, but in time for the food, which means I was right on time. It was a cozy reception, mostly church members and family. My cousin is the oldest of my generation and she'd gone through many years of family gatherings, deflecting and absorbing questions and hopes of a marriage in the near future. It was good to see her happy, and the groom seemed an affable man.

Of course, now the oldest unmarried of the cousins is my sister, with me right behind. And I was cornered and somewhat assaulted by a matchmaker, who kept telling me things and grabbing my arm and seemed to have had a little too much sparkling wine. Even Joann, my younger cousin, offered to set me up with her friends. I said I'd keep it in mind.

While all this was going on, I received a picture message from all the way out in California. It was a praying mantis and said, "Look what I found!"

This time my life continued to play and all I could think was, I hope it's praying for me.

The cush VA life:
No more missed meals or sleep, yet
Fingers up the butt.

John's last Friday night:
Dating seminar for kids.
Me? Fish:bicycle.

Cousin getting hitched -
My sister's the oldest left
Hoping for someone.

Bethel is leaving
The city and the building
But not the Spirit.

It's been very busy and, once in a blessed while, not quite. And I enjoy working and learning, even if I feel stupid and clumsy and lost sometimes.

There are a few hallways at Christ hospital where I can look out the windows and, because of the flatness of the land, see all way out to the horizon. During one of my calls, Dustin told me that he used to look out those windows at night and see all the lit streets and think about the stores that opened and closed and will open again before he would finally leave the hospital.

Yesterday, I came home late at night. I tried to eat some McDonald's that I bought on the way, but threw away the Sprite because they gave me a cup of bitter seltzer water, and threw away the rest because I felt sick from trying to eat greasy food after not having a chance to eat all day. I finally set up my Internet connection and was thinking about trying to get some studying done. The next thing I know I was waking up to my alarm clock blaring at the usual ungodly hour.

Surgery residency can be isolating. And living alone can be lonely. So while it may have been just a case of wanting something to read when you're bored, it meant a lot to me to find that you wanted to know how I was doing. I'm hanging in there. I really am.

I love you all.

I'm trying to remember the past two weeks, and it's not difficult because it was such a blur, but because each memory is so vivid that they are vying for my undivided attention, as they should.

There was Che's day in the city before leaving on a summer-long vacation to the west. We sat on the "hill" while she taught us how to grass whistle and we taught her right back. And she was wearing a nice dress and shoes with straps because John Choi took her nearer my God, for lunch and for the past two years.

There was the first day of residency and the first night of residency and the second day of residency and I didn't think it was possible to be so exhausted. And as I was standing in the ED, trying to fight off the overwhelming feeling of drowning, Kendra and Jen told me that it will get better. And it already has.

There was the first part of my move, when I arrived at my old apartment, post-call and fell asleep on the cold, hard floor as my parents and sister were carrying my things and carrying me.

There was the second part of my move, when I arrived at my new condominium, again post-call, and found Myung on the floor with my Dad, putting together my bed frame. My parents loved him, of course, and I was so proud - of my parents for recognizing the quality of friend, and of Myung for sticking close.

Hovering over all of this was the fact that Bethel is splitting. It doesn't affect the EM much, so I suppose it won't change my status (which, at this point, is something akin to a live-in boyfriend, as opposed to marrying a church and settling down). Still, a huge part of coming back was to be involved again, even occasionally, with BYG. And now it seems like the youth group may splinter, and with John Choi leaving, Myung seemed more than a little discouraged.

But I'm writing this in my condo, which I am somehow living in, even though my mortgage fell through. I don't know all the details of the financial wrangling that it took for me to be here. All I know is that I told John Choi to pray for it because God listens to righteous people. He did, and He did.

So now I'm going to ask John to pray for Bethel, for the youth group, and for Myung. Because if God can provide a house for me, surely He can provide shelter for his children.