Phyllis was telling me about how crazy her last rotation was, and she kept calling Frank, her intern on the rotation, "Wheels." I finally asked what that was about.

"You don't know?"

Apparently, Frank went out drinking one night and decided to add some dancing into the festivities. Long story short, Frank broke his right ankle. Of course, as an intern, he still had to come to work, and he didn't want to get crutches because he wanted to leave his hands free. So he got a scooter.

It was like one of those Razor scooters, except the base was built up to where he could rest his right knee. Apparently it worked out okay, except for all the times when it didn't. Its turning radius was fairly large, so after he went into a patient's room, he had to do multiple back-and-forths to get out. He had to wait for the elevator to go anywhere. Once, when he was waiting for the elevator going up, some other resident waiting for a down elevator made the one thousandth joke about the whereabouts of Frank's helmet and kneepads. When his elevator came first, Frank backed into it, staring down the other resident until the doors closed. When Frank was forced to go to the OR for a case, he scrubbed his hands and arms, and had his medical student wheel him in, where the nurse placed a C-arm cover over the scooter to keep it sterile. Finally, just days before he was healed enough to walk, the scooter got caught on a patient's bed, flipped over, and hit a nurse, who ended up filing for worker's compensation.

Now, if I had seen this on a sitcom, I probably would have thought, well, now that's just a little too silly. In real life? If I had known about this, I would have visited the hospital during my vacation just to see it with my own eyes.

And in other news, Bekah said she's going to work some magic and find me a girl. Myung said that the girl she's targeting has some sort of drug problem or something, and I - I have a prescription pad. That sounds like a match made in heaven, although, again, I would like to see it with my own eyes.

Days like this make me wish for other days. Getting criticized is no fun, and getting criticized by people that you're lukewarm towards is negative fun. Now I'm tired and need to sleep because tomorrow will be another long day. Already my vacation seems like forever ago.

Maybe I'll buy some more things online. That always seems to bring some temporary distraction from the misery. What should I buy? A Russian bride? Some lottery tickets? Ecstacy? An ecstatic Russian bride lottery ticket? Would there be a consolation prize if I don't win? A vaguely disinterested Latvian concubine? Well, sure, why not? And if she comes complete with a disapproving look, I'll wish for days like this.