After Bruce Weber's firing, the one and only name at the forefront of media speculation to replace him was Shaka Smart. Smart was the head coach of the men's basketball team at Virginia Commonwealth University. In his third season as a head coach, he had led his team to the NCAA tournament for the second straight time, following up a surprising run to the Final Four last year. He was young, energetic, charismatic, and seemed to be on the verge of great things. So it seemed an obvious match for an up-and-coming coach from a mid-major school to advance his career by moving up to Illinois.

As is the norm in today's saturated 24-7 Twitterized media cycle, speculation became rumor became unnamed sources became a done deal. Reports came out that Smart was offered twice his current salary, facility renovations, and the opportunity to take advantage of the fertile recruiting grounds of Chicago. How could he say no?

He said no.

The night before he did, I knew he would.

*****

I love my dad. I do. But there are times when he tells me things that I rather wish he would have kept to himself.

He came over to my place a while back, and happened to start talking about my single-hood.

He: I know your mom is putting a lot of pressure on you.

Me: Yes.

He: Let me tell you something. You should try to find a girl who is affectionate. You want a girl who can laugh and be outgoing.

Me: Yes.

He: Your mom isn't like that. She's a hard-worker and sensible and a good person, but she never shows any affection. I didn't really know your mom well before we got married, but I met your grandmother and she was gregarious and funny, so I thought she would be similar, but she wasn't.

Me:

He: But you should try to find a girl who is affectionate.

And at that moment I realized that my parents love my sister and me very much, and appreciate everything that the other has invested in the marriage, but ... did they truly love each other? Or was this a marriage of propriety, held together for the sake of the kids, and after nearly forty years, they were now merely roommates, waiting for grandchildren?

As immigrant Koreans, maybe the children were more important than things like love. After all, they gave up their comfortable lives for the hope that we might have more. Maybe that's the choice they made.

*****

I met up with Parker last week and, among other things, we talked about how our generation of Korean-American Christians were starting to deal with the realities and difficulties of marriage and divorce. He said that the divorces that he knew about all had the wife, for various reasons, leaving the husband.

Each situation is different, so who knows? But I'm afraid of what it says about the men. Are they immature? Stubborn? Not willing or able to grow as a person and a partner? And the women? Are they dissatisfied? Selfish? Not willing to fight through the worse, the poorer, and the sickness?

Or do they just want to be happy?

*****

It's about choices. Sometimes you make a choice, and sometimes a choice is made for you.

Anson has been preaching on the book of Ruth and it's been encouraging. (But not encouraging enough)

Iris said that she finds joy in gratitude, and hoped that I would find the same. (But I haven't really)

Maybe there's something wrong with me. ( )

Bruce Weber was fired yesterday from his position as the men's basketball head coach at the University of Illinois. After a successful start at the beginning of his tenure, including a run to the national championship game in 2005, he was unable to maintain that level of excellence. His teams had missed the NCAA tournament in three of the past five years, and his record in conference play since the graduation of his predecessor's recruits was a mediocre 55-66. By all accounts, he is a very nice man who loves his family and runs a clean program. Unfortunately, all those things do not cover a multitude of losses.

I have nothing personal against Bruce Weber, but it seems pretty obvious that it was time for a change. The players weren't responding to his coaching, and the new director of athletics had no reason to hang on to a stumbling coach that he didn't hire. Sometimes, a relationship runs its course, and no matter how great things were at its peak, the best thing for everyone involved is to move on.

*****

I saw a movie called The Grey a little while back, about a group of survivors from an airplane crash trying to fight off the wolves and cold of the Alaskan wilderness. Near the end of the movie, the main character - exhausted, desperate - makes a plea to the heavens. "Do something! Show me something! I need it now! Not later! Now! ... I'm calling on you! I'm calling on you!"

The sky remains clear and quiet, and there is no answer.

"F--- it," he says, "I'll do it myself."

I also read a book review recently about a young woman who loses, in short order, her mother to cancer, any meaningful relationship with her family, and her marriage to divorce. Her response to this, irrational as it may seem, is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail, and somehow try to find deliverance in the 1,100 miles of physical penance.

Before the hike, she writes about being in her mother's hospital room. "I prayed to the whole wide universe and hoped God would be in it, listening to me. I prayed and prayed, and then I faltered. Not because I couldn't find God, but because suddenly I absolutely did: God was there, I realized, and God had no intention of making things happen or not, of saving my mother's life. God was not a granter of wishes. God was a ruthless bitch."

*****

Things resonate for a reason. There are times and there are situations that cause me to wonder. Yet still I wait.