1. You're not to be trusted.
2. I asked for a drink and he asked for my ID. I felt like a crescendoing Carrie Bradshaw right before some unexpected indignity brings me back to earth.
3. Car insurance premiums keep falling.
4. Your memory starts to go.
5. I used to joke that if I wasn't married by now, I'd go to Korea and find myself a wife. I never thought that I would actually be in this situation. I figured I'd be married for sure, with maybe a kid or two. Well, I'm still not going to Korea, but now I don't have a plan B.
6. I no longer feel compelled to stay in shape. Subsequently, I got a head start and have been cultivating a small gut for the past six months.
7. I still look a bit younger than I am. I don't know how long it's going to last or if I will ever transition to a dignified-older-man phase.
8. No shame when buying fiber products.
9. No shame in general. I'm not sure how that works since I come from a shame-based culture. Do I just lose all sense of culture? Like I'll be all naked and scrubbing, but without a bath house to call my own?
10. More hair. Everywhere.
11. I feel justified in using old man tactics when playing basketball. This includes grabbing, pushing, and confusing "cheating" with "wily veteran cageyness."
12. I am much more picky.
13. I am much less picky.
14. Looking at little kids running around and thinking, "I'm old enough that that could be my kid."
15. Also thinking, "I have shirts older than that kid."
16. May need to update wardrobe to reflect stage of life.
17. Mark Grace.
18. Your memory starts to go.
19. Seeing someone from college and hearing that he's now living in New York, married, and has 2 illegitimate kids, and not being sure where the truth ended and the joke started.
20. Not being sure whether to laugh or cry.
21. Skipping
22. The
23. Twenties
24. Because
25. I
26. Barely
27. Remember
28. Mine
29. And citing as justification my wily veteran cageyness.
30. It's the new 20.