After Bruce Weber's firing, the one and only name at the forefront of media speculation to replace him was Shaka Smart. Smart was the head coach of the men's basketball team at Virginia Commonwealth University. In his third season as a head coach, he had led his team to the NCAA tournament for the second straight time, following up a surprising run to the Final Four last year. He was young, energetic, charismatic, and seemed to be on the verge of great things. So it seemed an obvious match for an up-and-coming coach from a mid-major school to advance his career by moving up to Illinois.

As is the norm in today's saturated 24-7 Twitterized media cycle, speculation became rumor became unnamed sources became a done deal. Reports came out that Smart was offered twice his current salary, facility renovations, and the opportunity to take advantage of the fertile recruiting grounds of Chicago. How could he say no?

He said no.

The night before he did, I knew he would.

*****

I love my dad. I do. But there are times when he tells me things that I rather wish he would have kept to himself.

He came over to my place a while back, and happened to start talking about my single-hood.

He: I know your mom is putting a lot of pressure on you.

Me: Yes.

He: Let me tell you something. You should try to find a girl who is affectionate. You want a girl who can laugh and be outgoing.

Me: Yes.

He: Your mom isn't like that. She's a hard-worker and sensible and a good person, but she never shows any affection. I didn't really know your mom well before we got married, but I met your grandmother and she was gregarious and funny, so I thought she would be similar, but she wasn't.

Me:

He: But you should try to find a girl who is affectionate.

And at that moment I realized that my parents love my sister and me very much, and appreciate everything that the other has invested in the marriage, but ... did they truly love each other? Or was this a marriage of propriety, held together for the sake of the kids, and after nearly forty years, they were now merely roommates, waiting for grandchildren?

As immigrant Koreans, maybe the children were more important than things like love. After all, they gave up their comfortable lives for the hope that we might have more. Maybe that's the choice they made.

*****

I met up with Parker last week and, among other things, we talked about how our generation of Korean-American Christians were starting to deal with the realities and difficulties of marriage and divorce. He said that the divorces that he knew about all had the wife, for various reasons, leaving the husband.

Each situation is different, so who knows? But I'm afraid of what it says about the men. Are they immature? Stubborn? Not willing or able to grow as a person and a partner? And the women? Are they dissatisfied? Selfish? Not willing to fight through the worse, the poorer, and the sickness?

Or do they just want to be happy?

*****

It's about choices. Sometimes you make a choice, and sometimes a choice is made for you.